Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

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I’m not the type to talk about this stuff…

September 26, 2009

I think the title says a lot here.  I like this blog to be about games, my musings on games, and perhaps…. sometimes…. very rarely…. my outlook on life.  I’m not the type of person who likes to get preachy with others.  But tonight I was dealt this really odd blow.  A blow that is slowly affecting me, but simultaneously not affecting me.  Yes, it’s that confusing.

So, let me start off by saying that I don’t come from a huge town.  Pittsburgh is really my adopted home — my college home.  But I come from a small town in Pennsylvania called Pottsville, PA.  Some of you may know it thanks to Yuenging Beer…. “America’s Oldest Brewery.”

Pottsville, due to it’s small town nature, isn’t on top of things like a larger city is.  Being gay in Pottsville is a big deal.  My former priest was gay, and he almost lost many members of my church’s congregation because he was simply a gay priest.  Of course, people ended up coming to their senses, but that didn’t ease some of the animosity that he suffered from other priests in the area.  And when holy men are getting into the act of disliking one of their own, you can only imagine what some of the rest of the town gets like.

Well, tonight one of my own friends… my old best friend, to be exact… betrayed my trust.  I got a message from him saying, “Sorry, I was bet 50 bucks to write that on your Facebook wall.  You can just delete it.  I don’t mean any harm.”

I logged in to find he had written “FAG!!!” right on my wall.

Sticks and stones right?  Just a harmless little insult, right?  Yeah, that’s how I felt for about 3 hours.  I went out, I had some fun with friends, and then I came back to find that same word right on my computer screen where I had left it.  I began to really think about it, and that’s when I started just feeling uneasy.

I trusted this guy for more than 10 years.  He was my best friend.  He was the first guy to ever, EVER, know that I was transgendered.  That’s not knowledge I entrusted to him lightly at the time.  He knew even before my parents knew.  I think that says a lot.

You guys want to know why he did it?  He did it because someone dared him to write it for 50 bucks.  He pretty much threw away 10 years of our relationship for 50 stinking dollars.

I was told by many, many people to expect this.  I was told by so many individuals that there would be people in my life who would do things to hurt me.  I expected this, to be quite honest.  But, just not from someone like that.  Not from him.

It saddens me… it really does.  I would never do that to someone, ever.  Ever.  Yet, someone has seen fit to do that to me.  It’s one thing when the Aion community does it.  They don’t have a “face” to be exact.  But when your former best friend does it to you… it takes on a whole new light.

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